June 18, 2006

It's a strange thing, to try to go to bed knowing you have a scheduled appointment to be cut open an expand your family by 1. Nothing will be the same. Every family photo - every holiday - every time you set the table - forever changed. Thanks to the miracle of science, you can schedule this for your convenience at an appointed time.

June 18, Abigail Heath, David and I sat to watch Peter Jackson's tragic attempt at King Kong, because I just couldn't sleep. How do you go to sleep counting down to 6:30 am when you show up at the hospital to permanently alter your family? The mental energy involved with TRYING to picture what the future holds makes you exhausted - but the spinning mind keeps you from actually falling asleep.

So today, March 9th, I will sit with David and binge watch something trying to get my eyes to close, even though my brain is swirling imaging the future after court tomorrow at 3 pm. We will get up, shower, drive to our scheduled appointment and have our family permanently changed....family photos, holidays, how we set the table...

On June 18, we pictured making our family whole - we couldn't wait to welcome this little Bunny (we've called her Bunny since before she was born - she was a kicker!) into our arms. Tomorrow, our family faces the fracturing that began back on January 8th. We will cling to her for a moment before she is taken away.

I'm still praying for my miracle of her coming home on house arrest - but even if that occurs, we aren't done with this process. Tomorrow is the beginning of the next thing. Maybe it's DOC - maybe it's house arrest - but it is the culmination of the 8 weeks of wondering, "what will happen to our B?". A new process to learn. A new normal to create. A new countdown until the Next next thing....and so it will go - possibly for the next 8 years.

But something happened on June 19 that March 10 cannot change - she became ours....forever. And no matter where she goes - no matter how far away they take her - no matter how long this process continues - through it all - she is ours. And just like we did in June 2006- we will always bring her home.