Sideways

I didn’t have a great call with Bunny tonight. It wasn’t like we argued. She was distracted. I didn’t have much to report. She gave me an idea that I didn’t think was that good. She didn’t really know what to say after disagreed with her. Parents have a million interactions like this with their kids over the years. Not terrible.  Not great. A little tense or awkward. Words unsaid. Emotions just under the surface. 

It’s like when you walk into a room and things are left sideways. Not broken. Not damaged. Just needing to be righted. A simple fix when you are present. 

But when you live your parenting over the phone 20 minutes at a time...sideways doesn’t get righted quickly. And maybe unresolved just stays unresolved. Tonight’s 20 minutes was just 10 awkward ones instead. I’ll wait till tomorrow for another chance. 

I’m grateful for these glimpses into her life. I’m grateful for what small connection we can maintain. But these moments, more than others, are the times I wish I could just walk down the hall to her room and sit on her bed and work out any of the weirdness.  

And I’ll live sideways, with her hours away, until she is just a walk down the hall.