Not a bad boarding school

 Most of the time Bunny and David and I imagine DOC to be a bad boarding school. Food isn't great - she's far away - most of our conversations focus on her school work and what she is reading....

Then there are times where you can't forget where she is. Yesterday's face time call was one of those times.

Yesterday Bunny told us that she had been moved to Unit 2 for her own protection - not physical - but mental/emotional. Bunny had befriended someone with issues (she's pursued the marginalized individuals since she was 3) and got caught up in the drama of this person's manipulations. Sound familiar? It did to us as well. We actually knew about this a month or two ago, when the manipulator was making life difficult for Bunny and really trying to demand behaviors from her (you can't be friends with anyone else, you can't talk to anyone else, you can't read if I want to do other things, etc). 

What we didn't know, is that since that time, Bunny has struggled to stay away from her. The manipulator kept apologizing and acting like things would be different and Bunny believed her. Wash, rinse, repeat. Over and over again for a month. Each time the manipulator would end up causing the same sort of drama, leading to some really hurtful arguments. The staff saw this happening and the warden determined that the best solution was to move Bunny into Unit 2 to keep her away from this trouble maker. The manipulator will be leaving DOC soon and so to keep Bunny from any further toxic interactions, Bunny was placed in Unit 2 and will be returned to Unit 3 after the other girl leaves. 

Ms. Browning assured us that NONE of this reflects poorly on Bunny and there is NO disciplinary association with this decision. It is for Bunny's benefit to be kept away. Ms. Browning also assured me that she has been talking about this with Bunny (as well as her therapist and psychiatrist) to help Bunny build confidence in protecting herself from these types of individuals and situations. They talk about healthy relationships, warning flags and how to removed yourself from toxic relationships without getting caught up in angry drama.

Some big mercies/thanksgivings/causes for ongoing prayer:

1) This pattern of Bunny's of befriending the unliked individuals is a blessing and curse. She see brokenness and wants to help - but she isn't mature enough to create the necessary boundaries. I am SO thankful:

    a) At Klondike Middle School, all toxic interactions were through snap chat, text, tik-tok or little comments in passing on the bus, the hallways and the lunchroom - no adults heard what was happening and whatever we did hear was still subjective and only 1 perspective. Here, the teachers, counselors, and guards hear and see everything first hand. They can see how Bunny is being manipulated and directly speak into those issues.

b) While David and I only hear 5 minute summaries after the fact, Ms. Browning and Ms. Hamilton (her therapist) are getting the full picture and are directly working with her on these issues. Ms. Browning is a christian and feels it is her calling to bring the love of Christ to these girls and it shows. This is a huge blessing!

2) Bunny didn't want to tell us, but because the phone call is in Ms. Browning's office, she had to. This is hard to know Bunny is still keeping what she calls "unpleasant" information from us. She says she isn't afraid that we will be mad but she doesn't want us to be worried. I'm thankful that even though Bunny can choose to keep things from us, there are others there who see and hear everything and can guide her and let her know that she doesn't have to try to handle it on her own.

3) Bunny and I had a really good follow-up phone call talking about the difficulty of trying to give her freedom without her feeling abandoned - give her independence without feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders - let her be young and innocent AND let her grow and mature. It's a tightrope every parent faces and we are doing it long distance. However, I feel she really heard our heart.

4) Prayers for David and I. This is SO hard to hear. It was discouraging to hear that the same patterns are still bringing pain into her life. It was discouraging to know she only told us because Ms. Browning was sitting there listening. We feel so helpless - wanting to parent her in wisdom and yet only knowing what she wants us to know - only getting 10 minute glimpses into her life - never having seen the place she has lived for over 8 months - never having met the people who are actually guiding her life right now. 

Even before Bunny was sentenced to DOC, I was confident that God would place her where she needed to be. For me, this is proof of that. DOC is able to teach her things that are critical to her mental and emotional well-being much more effectively than David and I could. DOC can have eyes and ears in every moment of her life. DOC is giving her a safe place to learn hard lessons. 

I hate that she is there - but I'm also so thankful for all that God is doing. And that itself is a full confusing range of emotions......it isn't boarding school - but it seems to be where she needs to be.....