38.....

Tomorrow is 38 weeks that my daughter has been incarcerated. 

She was born at 38 weeks.

My daughter has been in jail the same time it took for her to grow into a person.

I can't help but wonder, what kind of person has she grown into this time.

When she finally comes home, who will she be? How will she have changed? Will she still hate beans? Will she still love fuzzy things? 

I gave birth to one person. The justice department will give birth to another. 

I believe that God has just as much intention for her now as He did when He gave her a beating heart and her precious soul. I believe He is just as much part of the process of crafting the woman she is becoming, as He was intentionally crafting the baby I delivered. 

And just as I sat holding my stomach and wondering who this little person would be, I spend a lot of nights clutching my stomach wondering who this person will be....

And just as I knew I would love this person fiercely from the moment I found out I was expecting her; I wait with expectation - knowing I will fiercely love her unconditionally for the rest of my days.

And as time went on during my pregnancy, and anxiously waiting became impatiently waiting became me jumping up and down and eating spicy food and doing everything I could think of to make her come to me - my anxiously waiting has grown impatient and I would do anything in this world to bring her home.

Obviously, her birth happened in God's time and not my own.

And I have to trust now that this too is in God's time.....and just keep waiting.....