The under-rated, delightful movie "Elizabethtown" features a male lead whose life went down the toilet and as he is just starting to process his own life issues, his dad dies suddenly. He travels to Elizabethtown, KY (just about an hour from where we live now) to make arrangements with an extended family he has spend very little time with. His father was loved by all and was famous for a positive attitude. When something bad happened, he would smile and say "Well, if it wasn't this, it would be something else."
Just this week alone, a student of mine suddenly lost her grandmother, a friend's dog ran away and a coworker got diagnosed with a brain tumor.
It makes me think about how everyone has a story underneath the surface. Beneath everyone saying "I'm fine, how are you?" casually in the hallway, people have their own issues to process - their own grief to bear - their own "something else" that I have no clue about. While I smile and say "I'm fine" to students and coworkers and acquaintances who don't know our situation - I feel hollow inside. Sure, I'm not actively grieving and crying multiple times a day like I was at the beginning; but I am not fine. In fact, as we get closer to the fact-finding hearing, I'm getting worse and worse. I'm not sleeping; I'm easily distracted; I'm sad; I'm terribly anxious. And I'm hollow.
This missing piece in my life makes everything else have an echo - it amplifies the hurt and emptiness. We celebrated the boys 16th birthday and it was an amazing birthday weekend for all. While we were celebrating them, we got an offer on our house (just 31 hours after it listed). We celebrated that too. But each smile and hug reminded me only more of how empty everything felt without B. It was ALMOST a perfect day. It was a wonderful family celebration with everyone there...except her. It was great news for new beginnings....but a new beginning without her with us - at least for now.
I can easily get lost in my own pain and miss how others are suffering around me. I can take someone else's "I'm fine" at face value and miss that there is grief just below the surface. The greatest gift throughout this process has been people who see that I'm not ok. People to pray, to encourage and keep me company. Community is how we make it through this time and every time to come. The people who weep with me while I weep - laugh with me while I laugh - celebrate the highs and comfort me through the lows...these are the people who are holding me up daily.
The male lead in Elizabethtown gets a girl out of this story (and who wouldn't want to see Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst come together?) - but his real change in perspective happens when he moves away from being an independent person who's "fine" and becomes a part of a community that helps him to mourn.
If it wasn't this, it would be something else...but no matter what it is, I know I have people to walk this road with me. And that is the greatest gift of all.
❤️❤️❤️
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